Life Without the Tube

First posted: Feb 17, 1997

I don't watch television. For many people this is an impossible statement. For me it's easier than it sounds because of the fact that I don't own a television. For the last seven years I have lived without one. Initially, my choice to live sans TV was beyond my control. I shared an apartment at the time, and my roommate moved out and with him went his television. It was early 1991, about a month before the broadcast of The War In The Gulf, not more than a few weeks after Gary died on Thirty Something.

Although the tube was taken from me arbitrarily, it was my decision to continue not having one. I certainly could afford to buy a television, and a surprising number of people offered to give me their spare set. But I made a choice at that time; a choice whose repercussions I had not fully anticipated. It wasn't a statement of morality, it wasn't about the poor quality of programming, and it wasn't about not owning a television. It began as a simple experiment. Could I live without the comfort of the glowing blue tube?

"You are aware that there is an invention called the television?"
- Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction

Prior to 1991 and for as long as I can remember, the TV was on in my house. The television was on, and it was on without restriction. As a child the television was on in the mornings, in the afternoon when I returned from school, during dinner, and in the evenings before I went to bed. My earliest television memory is when my mother encouraged me to watch a great new program for kids called, Sesame Street. Instantly, I was hooked; the colors, the music. I loved the monsters. I loved the letter of the day. I loved the guy who fell down the stairs with the cakes. In short, I loved trash.

Television for me became a place where I learned to always expect something exiting and new. To demand it. Each year would bring a string of new programs. I remember the thrill of anticipation when the long, re-run filled Summer came to an end, and the sensational new Fall line-up premiered. My brother, sister and I would pick our favorites and jockey for position each day and night. Our parents loved television as much as we did. There were few rules of censorship, and our evening viewing was bounded only by the constraints of prescribed bed times. I would have to convince babysitters that my parents actually let us watch Starsky and Hutch. Too violent, said the babysitter. No, no; it was OK, I told her. My parents let us.

These are some of the television programs that I was allowed to (and did) watch regularly, as a child and teen. The list is in no particular order:

The Odd Couple, Emergency, All in the Family, The Jeffersons, StarTrek, Alice, Dragnet, Adam 12, The Beverly Hill Billies, I Love Lucy, The Lucille Ball Show, The Price Is Right, Let's Make A Deal, F Troop, McHales Navy, Hogan's Heroes, Vegas, Good Times, Baretta, Hart to Hart, The Brady Bunch, Cannon, Ironsides, Lost In Space, Streets of San Francisco, The Creature Double Feature, Six Million Dollar Man, Space 1999, UFO, Quincy, Charlie's Angels, Three's Company, Disney, Battlestar Galactica, M*A*S*H, The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, The Movie of the Week

I suppose this list explains a lot. Most of the shows I watched before and after syndication.

"Television, the drug of the nation. Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation"
- Michael Franti,
The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

After living a few months without watching television, you start to realize the significance of the TV in your day to day interactions. For the last seven years, at least once a week, some friend, co-worker, or acquaintance will say to me,

"Did you see <television show> last night?, Wasn't it funny when <character name> said <wacky expression>?"

For the first few years, I would interrupt and politely say,

"No I didn't see that, I don't have a television."

Usually this remark is met first with puzzlement and then a sympathetic frown. Most people feel terribly that I don't have a television; the way you feel badly for the sick, impoverished, mentally ill, or those otherwise unable to help themselves.

Some people become immediately defensive, and quickly say how infrequently they actually watch their TV, denying the habit.

"Really, I rarely watch, and even then, only PBS".

Others bite back in defense of the moral high ground.

"Have you given up reading too?"

Still others just look glumly back, and say,

"I wish I didn't have a TV",
as though it is their unlucky lot in life to own one.

Lately, when someone asks if I saw a certain television show, I say nothing and nod, while they tell me all about it.

"Kill Your Television"
- anonymous bumper sticker

After living several years without watching television, you begin to wonder how you could ever stand to sit in front of it. When I go into a room with a TV, the first thing I notice is how gosh darn loud it is. Not to mention that nobody in the room is capable of conversing for more than 30 seconds before turning their head to the tube; myself included.

The last television program that I watched with any regularity was David Lynch's Twin Peaks. It ran for two seasons, a cult sensation which became more preposterous with each episode, before finally fizzling into the ether. I loved it, and the show was a sentinel for me in many ways. While watching that first season, equipped with donuts and cherry pie, I met my beloved, future wife. Twin Peaks was also my introduction to the Pacific Northwest; a place where seven years later, I find myself in residence. And when Twin Peaks went off the air towards the end of 1991, so did I.

Of course I have seen television since then and not completely with remorse. I saw an episode of Seinfeld about a year ago at a friend's house (The Soup Nazi episode) which was very funny. Recently while on vacation I saw my first, E.R., also quite good. I've never seen Bay Watch or Friends. TV is neither a treat for me or a jones for an old habit . It's just there, take it or leave it. These days I'm considering buying a television and a VCR so I can rent the movies that I miss in the cinema, or old movies that I love. It's OK now, I've answered my question, and I can live without a television. In fact, I'd rather live without a television.

It makes me wonder though. Can I live without my web browser?

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Coffee Czar
CoffeeCzar @starchamber.com